Testo Sandwiches - Mitch Hedberg
Testo della canzone Sandwiches (Mitch Hedberg), tratta dall'album Mitch All Together
They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime
But I tried to make it at home
There's more to it than that
"Want some more homemade Sprite?"
Not 'til you figure out what the fuck else is in it
I like refried beans, that's why I want to try fried beans
'Cause maybe they're just as good, and we're wasting time
You don't have to fry them again after all
I eat a lot of sandwiches, who doesn't, man?
Sandwiches are easy to eat
But I hate sandwiches at New York Delis
Too much fucking meat on a sandwich
It's like a cow with a cracker on either side
"What would you like, sir?"
"A pastrami sandwich"
"Anything else?"
"Yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people"
"What kind of bread?"
"Rye
No, fuck, banana, you got banana bread?"
"What kind of cheese?"
"Cottage"
"Get the fuck out
I'm not making a banana bread, pastrami, cottage cheese sandwich
That would severely ruin my reputation"
I order the club sandwich all the time
And I'm not even a member, man
I don't know how I get away with it
"I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread"
"So do I"
"Well, let's form a club then"
"Okay, but we need some more stipulations"
"Yes, we do
Instead of cutting the sandwich once, let's cut it again
Yes, four triangles
And we'll position them into a circle
And in the middle, we will dump chips
Or potato salad"
"Okay"
"Let me ask you a question
How do you feel about frilly toothpicks?"
"I'm for 'em"
"Well, this club is formed
Spread the word on menus nationwide"
"I like my sandwiches with alfalfa sprouts"
"Well, then you're not in the fucking club"
I went to a pizzeria
I ordered a slice of pizza
The fucker gave me the smallest slice possible
If the pizza was a pie chart for what people
Would do if they found a million dollars
The fucker gave me the "Donate it to charity" slice
I would like to exchange this for the "Keep it"
Gotta have a drink here
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Writer(s): Andy Toth, Mack Jr. Goudy
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