Testo That's My Sister On My Lap - Unknown Comic
Testo della canzone That's My Sister On My Lap (Unknown Comic), tratta dall'album What's so Funny About Boozers and Users?
That's right I am the unknown comic and comedy is my thing
Great to be here at Truck Yucks
Where everyone likes to eat, drink, and be merry
Especially that fat, drunk transvestite over there
Alright, and you sir get that lady off your lap
Hey, shut up, hey that's my wife
Anyways it's great to be here at Truck
Yucks, I just met the owner Bubba
Man that sucker's huge, he's like nine feet tall, you know
I thought I'd be cool, I said "Hey, how's the weather up there?"
He said "It's raining" and he pissed on me
Yeah, he said he's a Hell's Angel and a Jehovah's Witness
Is that a weird combination? A Hell's Angel and a Jehovah's Witness
Yeah he said he likes to knock on
People's doors at seven in the morning
Tell them to go fuck themselves
Anyway it's great to be here, anybody eat half their food here?
That food's fit for a king, isn't it?
Here king, here king
I had breakfast here the other morning, I asked for number one
Waiter came over and peed on me
Another time I was here, waiter came
Over, he had his thumb in my steak
I said "What are you doing with your thumb in my steak?"
He said he didn't want to drop it again
Then he comes over, he has his thumb in my soup
I said "Now what are you doing?"
He said he had an infection and the doctor told him to keep it warm
I said "Why don't you stick it up your ass?"
He said he does that when he's in the kitchen
No, I shouldn't put truck stops down
I used to be a busboy here when I was a teenager
They fired me because I got my finger stuck in the dishwasher
Of course they fired her too
It's disgusting, this place
Especially the men's room, you been in the men's room?
Man, I was in there, somebody threw a cigarette in the urinal
That pisses me off because it makes them soggy and hard to light
And they got that cheap gum machine in there too
Don't waste your money, that shit tastes like rubber
Anyway, I love this crowd you guys, got trucker chicks here
What's your name?
Look at that good-looking trucker
Chick there, she's scratching her balls
I love dating trucker chicks
I took my first trucker chick out for a date
Cost me over three hundred dollars on tattoos alone
Yeah, she was in her thirties but she
Had the body of a sixteen year old
A sixteen year old with a big, fat, ugly body
She weighed three hundred pounds
Yeah, we just sat around and chewed the fat
Yeah, but she was macho, you know a
Lot of macho chicks out there, yeah
You know how you can tell if you're a macho chick?
You know you're a macho chick if you roll your own tampons
You know you're a macho chick if you have to kickstart your vibrator
You know you're a macho chick if you like to do it doggy style
But you like to get behind
Yeah, I'm macho
It's not easy being macho, I tried it once, I broke a nail
You know what, you want to know what macho is?
Macho is jogging home from a vasectomy
Yeah I used to be a weakling, you know
Until one summer I was at the beach
And a guy come up and he kicked sand in my face
Yeah, well I went home and that whole
Winter long I started lifting weights
And I did push-ups, I built myself up
And the next summer I went back to that same beach
And I saw that same guy and I shot him
Don't drink and drive
I almost got killed the other day driving through two red lights
They were on the back of a truck
Boy that trucker was pissed, comes up, calls me an asshole
I said "Hey, from where I come from them there's fighting words"
He said "Well why ain't you fighting?"
I said "Well we're not where I come from right now"
Then he raises his fist like he's gonna hit me
I said "You hit me, you'll be sorry"
He hits me and he wasn't sorry
Then he shoves me
That did it, I smashed him in the fist with my face
Slammed my stomach into his knee
Kicked him in the foot with my groin
Finally when I figured he had enough, I collapsed
Credits
Writer(s): Unknown Comic
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com
Link
Disclaimer:
i testi sono forniti da Musixmatch.
Per richieste di variazioni o rimozioni è possibile contattare
direttamente Musixmatch nel caso tu sia
un artista o
un publisher.