Testo Psycho Drama - Rupert Holmes
Testo della canzone Psycho Drama (Rupert Holmes), tratta dall'album Widescreen: Collector's Edition
This is your announcer, Ed Herlihy, inviting you to stay
Tuned for Psycho Drama, next on most of these same stations
This is the Continental Broadcasting System
Psycho Drama
The name is Holmes
That's about all I can tell you because the rest is a blur
I, I seem to have left my memory in another
Town or another time, I- I can't say for sure
All that I can remember is the clinging fragrance of lavender
And, and a girl's face that keeps turning away from my
Mind's eye, turning away as if I had somehow betrayed her
I found myself walking through a doorway
I felt dizzy
Doctor, I- Yes, what is it?
I'm very busy
Oh meine Gott, my dear boy, are you all right?
Well, you've chosen a good place to collapse, on the couch
Of the most brilliant psychiatrist Leipzig has ever known
Perhaps if you were to tell me all about it
Yes, maybe that would help
Doctor, they're, they're all trying to kill me
Ah yes, and, and who exactly are they?
I don't know
I- I can't remember
It's just something I, I feel instinctively
Uh, could I have one of those cigarettes?
Ah, but of course
I've never seen cigarettes like these before
Black paper with silver tips
Are they Russian?
Yes, yes Russian
Here
That's better, Dad
I mean, Doc
I guess that's Freudian
And now maybe you'll be kind enough to tell me
Where you've hidden the wax figurine of the Kaiser
Not you too
That's right, Master Rupert, and this
Gun proves the depth of my sincerity
Listen, I've been overworked lately recording an LP for Epic
Records and- That cover story may have worked on Grossman and
Suez, but I happen to know that you are a private detective
I am?
Yes, and seeing as we are 37 stories up in
A locked room, I would not try any tricks
I won't try any tricks, Doctor, but if you
Don't mind I think I'll try the window
No, no!
No- What a tremendous stroke of luck
I've landed on a foam rubber trolley car
Trolley car?
Then I must be in San Francisco
Yeah, that's the waterfront up ahead
I'll just hop off here
That girl over there staring into the water, she looks familiar
Maybe I should ask her...
Funny, I seem to be talking to myself
Then why not talk to me, slim?
There she was, the girl you never brought home to mother
Her looks were straight off a calendar, the kind
Of calendar that gave pool halls a bad name
Her dress was poured on her like syrup
On a stack of pancakes, some stack
Got a cigarette, slim?
I'm afraid not
Would you like some sugarless gum?
I don't take nothing from no one that I can't give back
Sounds eminently fair to me
I think that- Some day when you've done what I've done and
You've seen what I've seen, you'll realize you can't buy love
However, it is possible to rent me
Well, uh, how do I, uh- I'm not hard to come by, slim
All you have to do is whistle
You do know how to whistle, don't you?
Sure
She stormed off leaving the heavy perfume
Of lavender permeating the fog around me
I was alone
On the contrary, sir, you are far from being alone
My name is Grossman, sir, and I wish to talk to
You about a certain wax figurine of the Kaiser
Now that we are alone- Oh, ho, on the contrary
Gentlemen, you are far from being alone
What's all this?
Ah, my old companion from Istanbul
We meet again, Mr
G., and I believe for the same purpose
I hate to interrupt a reunion, but- Oh, forgive me, Mr
Holmes
Sure
Uh, my name is Carl Suez, and I've been representing a
Competitive bidder for the legendary Kaiser statuette
Well then let's, uh, let's talk about the statue
God, sir, you are a character
Well then, by all means, let's talk about the statue
May I remind you that, uh, my client is prepared to pay the sum in
The amount of $35 for information which will lead- Come, come, Carl
Shall we not meld our mutual interests?
Uh, by all means, Mr
G., I, I was going to make the same suggestion imminently
Then perhaps, Mr
Holmes, you'll be more impressed by the color of our guns
I don't think so, fellas
You see, I've got all of you covered
It was her all right
Without a word she waved me into a nearby sedan and pushed the
Speedometer until we had reached a desolate area outside the city
At last, I spoke
Well, are you gonna tell me- I did you a favor
I thought maybe you'd return it
Is that all you want?
Oh, can't you see when somebody's
Crazy about you, so crazy that they...
Oh, we're here
Talk about old dark houses
My uncle lives here in this foreboding manor that still carries
A curse on whoever spends the night under its craggy roof
And in which all his family have died suspicious deaths under
Strange circumstances of a gruesome and revolting nature
Anyway, call me a fool if you like, but I fear for his life
You mean- Yes
I think someone is trying to murder him
Here we are
Uh, good evening, Miss Leland
Good evening, sir
Good evening, Mason
Is my uncle at home and well?
Um, yes and no, Miss Leland
Yes and no, Mason?
He is indeed home, sir, but he is lamentably quite dead
Are there any suspects, Mason?
Yes, sir
I've taken the liberty of asking them to stay in the study
Where they all claim to have been at the time of the murder
Uh, perhaps you, um- Um, I'll do what I can
Um, shall we go to the study, sir?
Rupert, do you have a plan?
Yes, I do
Leland, I'm, I'm going to pretend that I know the killer's
Identity and do the whole detective sums up speech
Just as I'm apparently about to reveal the name of the murderer
I, I want you to switch off all the lights in the room
With any luck, we'll catch the killer in the act of escape
Brilliant
Wonderful
Oh, mis...
Congratulations, sir
Um, let's face them in the study
Uh, ladies and gentlemen, uh, this is Mr
Holmes, the celebrated detective
Thank you, Mason, and I'd appreciate it
If you would stand over by the fire
Leland?
Yes?
Since you weren't here at the time of the murder, would you
Please sit at the piano and play whatever music comes to mind?
Ladies and gentlemen, one of us is a killer
I know his identity, uh, or her identity, uh
If he is a woman, which I'm not saying she is
You remember my saying, Leland, that I
Had been staring some clue in the face?
Well, now I know what that clue was, and now I will reveal to
You all that the murderer's name is- Who turned out the lights?
Ahh!
Ohh!
Ahh!
Ahh!
Good work, Leland
I'll just turn on the lights and we'll have caught ourselves a...
Good Lord, they've all been murdered
Wait a minute
If they're all dead, then I must be the killer
I fear your deduction is not quite correct, sir
Grossman, it's Suez
You did it
Yes, I'm afraid my associate has managed
To kill everyone in the room but you, sir
Sorry, Mr
G
I don't understand
Why kill me?
I know nothing about- Exactly, sir, and we wish to continue your
State of sublime ignorance by
Dispatching you permanently to oblivion
You know too much about our quest to be allowed to survive
Yes, and we are indeed fortunate that
You are now standing on a trapdoor
I am told you'll die of shock long before you- Now, wait, wait
Suez, pull the handle of the clock
Please, dear God, I beg of you, don't de- Adieu, Mr
Holmes
Ahh!
Ahh!
Ahh!
Well, you've chosen a good place to collapse, on the couch
Of the most brilliant psychiatrist Leipzig has ever known
Perhaps if you were to tell me all about it
Yes, maybe that would help
Doctor, they're, they're all trying to kill me
Ah, yes, and, and who exactly are "they"?
I don't know
I can't remember
It's just something I, I feel instinctively
Uh, could I have one of those cigarettes?
Ah, but of course
I've, I've seen cigarettes like these
Before, black paper with silver tips
Are they Russian?
Yes, yes, Russian, yeah
Credits
Writer(s): Rupert Holmes
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